


You Just Can't Bring It To Mind All the Time

by BrilliantlyHorrid



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, I'm so sorry this is sad, Memory machine, Psychological Torture, Raina as a villain, Skye is a badass, fluffy end, happy endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-16
Updated: 2015-01-16
Packaged: 2018-03-07 20:19:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3181823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrilliantlyHorrid/pseuds/BrilliantlyHorrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Somewhere in her mind, Skye has information that Raina needs, and it's going to take a trip through the memory machine for her to get it. But Skye's never been one to give up intel. </p><p>Written for Skoulson Fest 2k15, Day 5<br/>Prompt: Memory machine</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Just Can't Bring It To Mind All the Time

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from Three Tall Women by Edward Albee  
> "I think you remember everything ... you just can't bring it to mind all the time."

Skye had experienced what you would call “blinding pain” a few times in her life. Probably more than a normal person, so she can confirm that what they don’t tell you is that no matter how bad it is, it can always be worse. Worse than her arm being broken back when she was in foster care. Worse than two bullets to the gut courtesy of Ian Quinn. Worse than when she held her powers in, when they were still new, and she worried her brain would vibrate clear out of her skull.

_But it couldn’t get worse than this, could it?_

Next to the machine, through the fog, Skye heard a forlorn sigh that sounded like a hiss. “You need to let the waves do their job, Skye. This will be much easier if you do.” The machine was shut off, and Skye gasped for breath as if she had been held underwater. Out of reflex she moved to bring her hands to her temples, as if that would ease the ache, but the motion was halted by the straps around her wrists. “I don’t aim for this to be painful,” Raina told her, running her gloved hand down Skye’s arm gently. Skye shivered. “But if you keep resisting, well, there are some things that can’t be fixed.”

“How is this supposed to help you?” Skye asked, her voice weak but her tone defiant. “Even if I find what you’re looking for, see these people, what will that tell us?” She was stalling, she knew it and Raina knew it, judging by the eyebrow she could see being raised behind her veil. _With a flower print, of course_. Skye had tried asking about what Raina was covering up (she only caught a brief glimpse in the temple, before everything went to dust all those months ago,) what had happened to her, but quickly learned that  was the best way to ensure another round with the brain crushing device.

Maybe "crushing" wasn’t the best word. _Digging_ , she thought, dread crawling up in her stomach as Raina approached the controls. _It feels like someone digging around my brain with a shovel._ Raina’s gloved fingers, which looked almost normal but just _slightly_ too long to be completely human, neared the keypad. “Wait,” Skye said, beginning to panic. “Listen, you used this on Coulson for memories he had, but they were hidden. But he was a fully functioning adult when it happened. You’re looking for something from when I was a _baby_.” Raina paused, tilting her head. The movement shifted her veil a bit, revealing small spines on her cheekbone. Skye continued. “What if I was asleep, or my baby brain couldn’t even comprehend what it was seeing?”

Skye wasn’t sure, but she thought she saw Raina smile. “You underestimate the sheer power of the human brain, Skye. We can find it, it just might be buried. We’ll have to dig a little deeper, that’s all.” Skye turned her head to send one last pleading look at Raina, knowing it wouldn’t change a damn thing. “This will go much smoother if you help it along. Who knows? You might even see your mother’s face, wouldn’t you like that Skye?” Skye glared, and then everything was white-hot pain again.

After what felt like either minutes or days, Skye felt the machine turn off again, and she cried out in relief and leftover agony. A hand stroked her face, and it was almost soothing until she felt the silky texture of the gloves. Dry heaving, she heard Raina sigh and tell someone to turn her over, in case she vomited. Skye had yet to open her eyes, somehow convincing herself if she kept them closed, she might fall asleep, or, preferably, wake up. _This is a nightmare_. Feeling the binds around her wrists loosen, she swung out her fists blindly, arms weighing at least fifty pounds each. “Shhh, shhh,” Raina murmured, and whoever was holding Skye upright moved her arms back to her sides. “If you keep fighting it, you’ll only get worse, Skye.” She spoke as if she was _helping_ , and Skye had just about had enough of it.

 _Where is everyone?_ Raina may have managed to take the Bus, but even in her state Skye could tell they had been grounded for some time now. A getaway vehicle wasn’t the motivation behind taking the plane. No, it was the room they were in.

‘ _Vibranium_ ,’ Raina had said, gesturing reverently at the walls, as Skye attempted to use her powers. ‘ _It’s a remarkable substance. Very rare.’_

How she managed to find out they were moving equipment from the Playground was a mystery to Skye, but the team had been met with an ambush when they landed at that supposedly abandoned offshoot of the Sandbox. Raina had assembled her own team, her ‘ _freaks_ ,’ she had once called them, and they took the Bus--the memory machine and Skye with it--and left Coulson, May, Bobbi and Hunter in the dust.

 _Coulson_ , Skye thought, remembering his painful experiences with the machine. This is what he made her do to him, after she had seen his state the first time. She hoped she saw him again, she thought grimly, knowing the outlook wasn’t good. She hoped to see him, apart from the quick flashes the memory machine caused, none of them pleasant. Coulson yelling at her in his office. Shutting her out at the Hub. Being dragged away with Raina before the explosion. Begging for death in the memory machine. Not his face, but his voice, pleading in the darkness, “Oh god,” and “hang on.” Being pummeled by her father.

Skye wasn’t sure if it was her brain making an association with the physical pain, or somehow Raina’s doing, but Skye would rather die than spend another minute watching a loop of the worst moments of her life.

“I hate to be so rough,” Raina murmured, bringing Skye back to the present. She was still upright, still in the arms of one of the ‘freaks,’ but wasn’t sure how long that would last. “We don’t want to hurt you Skye. You’re important to us, you’re--”

“If you say ‘one of us,’ I might actually vomit,” Skye groaned, and she could practically hear the slow smile form on Raina’s face.

“Oh, but you _are_. And you have what the rest of us are looking for, deep in those memories of yours.” Her voice traveled across the room, and Skye gave up trying to figure out where it was coming from, growing dizzy. “Your father won’t tell us who, but he left you with some very special people as a baby, Skye. People that can help us, the way they helped you.”

“They were slaughtered,” Skye told her, and Raina’s hand landed on her shoulder.

“Maybe. That’s what we need to know.” Her hand began to press Skye downward, and the arms holding her up followed suit.

Skye didn’t bother begging. It wouldn’t accomplish anything. Her eyes stayed glued shut, and at this point she wasn’t sure if she was actually choosing not to open them or if she had lost the ability.

The machine switched on. Whether it was exhaustion or just giving up, Skye felt herself let the machine through a bit this time. She caught glimpses of moments throughout her life, but it was like viewing them through static. Raina must have known, because Skye heard her make a pleasantly surprised sound before leaning in close.

“That’s _very_ good, Skye. Now, I’m going to need you to go back a little further, so just relax, okay?”

Images flashed before her mind.

_Living in her van._

_Dancing with Miles._

_Running away from St. Agnes._

_A dozen foster homes formed and disappeared in front of her._

The pain was easing more and more. _If I help it, it will stop,_ she thought, and tried to remember what Raina was looking for. ‘ _You were born in China,_ ’ Skye’s father’s voice echoed in her ears, and she tried to follow that.

 

Suddenly she was warm and the pain was gone. She couldn’t see very much, but there was a soft light in the room, and more than anything she felt safe. _Loved_. Gentle arms held her, and murmuring voices soothed the ache in her head.

Someone started to hum. It was a woman.

_I know this song._

 

Then everything changed. Screams filled the air, and Skye felted jostled, like she was being shaken. Strange voices yelled in a language she did not understand, and gunshots went off. Before her eyes she saw flashes of death and destruction, fire and blood, men, women and children dropping to the ground.

“ _No, stop!_ ” Skye yelled, but felt like she was shouting underwater. She couldn’t move as the people in front of her died, then the arms she was held in went slack and she was covered in blood.

“ _What do you see, Skye? Tell me, I can help you understand!_ ” Raina’s voice called out.

Skye just screamed. She tried to push it away again, preferring blind, searing pain to seeing what was in front of her now. Vaguely she felt Raina’s hands on her arms, shouting questions into her ear, but soon her voice joined the cries of the others.

 _It’s too much_ , Skye thought, _it’s too much and I can never make it go away._

Someone nearby started shouting her name, pleading, and Skye sobbed. She couldn’t take this anymore.

“ _Skye_!”

 _Wait_.

“ _Skye_!”

 _The baby’s name is Daisy,_ Skye thought, realizing that this voice not only didn’t belong to one of the villagers in her memories, but to Raina either. _I know that voice._

_“Skye, can you hear me?”_

_Coulson_. The mechanical hum of the machine had ceased, and everything around her was dark, but the screams continued. This time, Skye’s shouts joined them. _Coulson_!

 _Please find me,_ Skye thought, feeling lost in her own head.

“ _Skye, Skye, Skye,_ ” his voice rang out, and the others began to fade away. She called for him again and again, but couldn't see him. 

 _Just listen to him,_ Skye, she told herself, willing the other voices out of her head while she concentrated on his.

“ _Please come back_ ,” he said, and she listened.

***

“Skye, can you hear me?” Coulson asked, his voice breaking. His thumbs wiped the tear tracks on her cheekbones, before he moved one shaky hand to begin unfastening the restraints on her wrists. “Shit!” He cursed, becoming frustrated that they weren’t coming off. Appearing out of nowhere, May shushed him and quickly saw to them herself, while he returned both hands to Skye’s face.

"Coulson," Skye called out, and Phil's eyes widened. But she wasn't awake. She was still in it. "Please--" Her voice was pleading and distressed, and Phil felt his heart catch in his throat. 

“Skye,” he called back, then turned to May like a scared child. “She’s not coming out of it.” _Why isn’t she coming out of it?_ Phil wasn’t able to think straight, not since Raina and her lackeys disappeared onto the bus with Skye and that damn machine. They had finally found it and fought their way through when he first heard Skye screaming. Like something out of a horror movie, he ran to the source, blood running cold when he realized it was the wrong room. It was coming from the video feed.

 _The interrogation room is soundproof,_ he registered, watching the awful image on the screen for a split second before running to the correct room. Bobbi, Hunter and May had minimal trouble securing the plane and taking out the enemy, this time with the element of surprise on their side. Leaving them to it, Coulson burst into the room, shot Raina and another man with an icer and ran to the machine. The agonized noises coming out of Skye’s throat hit him hard, and he hurriedly moved his hands from her wrists to the machine to her face and back to her wrists again, before a scream cracked into a hopeless sob and he pulled himself together.

He had managed to shut the machine off, so why wasn’t she snapping out of it? May put a hand on his shoulder, eyeing Raina and her cohort in a heap on the floor. “Phil, listen to me, we need to get the bus secured. You stay with Skye and just,” she looked at the girl’s pained face, and her friend’s shaky hand stroking it. “Talk to her. It worked for you.” With that she began to haul the two captors out of the room.

“Skye,” he muttered, then swore he heard May say under her breath ‘so she can _hear_ you,’ before handing Raina off to Bobbi and closing the door behind them. “Skye,” he said, louder, moving closer to her head. The screaming had stopped, but Skye’s breaths were coming in short gasps and her whole body was shaking violently.

"Coulson," she muttered again.

 _She can hear me,_ he thought, stunned. With one hand stroking her cheek and the other her reddened wrist, Coulson moved in close to her ear. “Skye. Can you hear me?”

“Please come back,” he asked, swallowing heavily. Miraculously her breathing began to even out, and Phil’s eyes widened. “Skye? _Skye_ , you’re okay, I’m here and you’re okay,” he rambled on, repeating those phrases and stroking her hair until she opened her eyes.

“Coulson,” she murmured, and Phil almost choked with relief. Skye flopped her head to the side, closing her eyes.

“Skye, hold on, you need to--”

“M’awake, I’m awake, Coulson, just, minute,” Skye said, and Coulson made some kind of noise that was half laugh/half sob. Skye’s eyes opened up at that, and she watched him as he self-consciously tried to gather himself. “Sorry,” she said, and Phil shook his head.

“Don’t.” He felt Skye trying to lift the hand he held, and watched her grow frustrated. Lacing his fingers with hers, he pulled it gently until it was on the side of his face, and he heard her sigh with relief.

“Wow, you’re kind of a mess, huh?” Skye asked quietly a few minutes later, and Coulson closed his eyes and simply held her hand to his cheek. He felt her fingers gently stroke his hair, and smiled into her palm. His other hand stroked her cheek, and when he heard the door behind him open, Phil knew the picture they made was...something. But he couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Uh, Sir, May said that we probably want to store the prisoners in here for the flight back, whenever Skye is ready to move,” the surprisingly timid voice of Lance Hunter caught both Coulson and Skye off guard, and in unison they turned their confused faces to the door. “Well, that was creepy,” he muttered, and Skye let out a little laugh. The sound caused Hunter to grin. “Right, well, whenever this is done,” he gestured between the two of them, “or ready to move to another location, let us know and we’ll make room for some dirtbags.”

“Thank you Hunter,” Coulson replied, and the agent gave him a salute before walking out of the room. When Phil turned back to face Skye, he saw a serious look on her face. “Are you okay?”

“Everyone heard me, didn’t they?” Coulson tried to not betray anything with his face, but he had never been good at that with Skye. She knew immediately. “Shit.” Considering that Skye had just come to terms with the fact that the team was still very much comfortable with her now that she had a 'gift,' Coulson feared she would take a step back, worrying they would tiptoe around her after this experience. He had been lucky, in that only Skye and May had seen him in the machine, heard what he was saying.

“No one will treat you any differently, Skye,” he told her. She raised an eyebrow.

“I’m sorry, did you hear Hunter just now? He sounded like he was walking into the ICU, and even with the jokes he obviously heard me,” she ranted, and Coulson stopped her.

“What do you mean?” Hunter wasn’t a genius, but he would never make fun of Skye for being tortured. Coulson ran through the earlier moment in his head, confused. “I don’t…”

“With the, this!” Skye gestured at their joined hands with her free one, then sighed in frustration. “Can I sit up now? This is getting annoying.” Coulson helped her up, making sure she was okay upright before removing his hands from her shoulders. Placing them on the side of the machine, by her leg, he asked again.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Skye, I’m sorry.”

Skye looked at him like it should have been obvious. “I was yelling for you,” she said, quiet but not bashful. Coulson had been busy taking in her appearance (remnants of sweat on her temple, no visible injuries, sitting up was difficult but not painful) so it took him a second to register what she had said.

"Yes," he told her, not understanding. "Why is that--?" He wasn't sure what the problem was, recalling his own experience with the machine. Skye's voice had been the driving force in bringing him back, and her name became a mantra until reality had sunk in.  _So why--?_

Phil froze. _Skye's voice brought me back_ , he repeated. He remembered then his reaction upon realizing the gravity of the situation, that he had clung to the idea of Skye to bring him out of hell, and the implications of that. What that said about how much she meant to him.  _And now **my**..._ _  
_

Suddenly his hands were cupping her face and he was kissing her, kissing Skye, in the interrogation room. She seemed as startled as he was, taking a second before responding. In kind. Her hands moved up into his hair, as his moved to her shoulders, then her waist, as if confirming she was all there. Skye’s mouth opened under his and Phil sighed, in relief and regret and somehow happiness all at once. Feeling Skye’s hand gently push on his chest, Coulson reeled back.

_What did I just do?_

In front of him Skye had just been _tortured_ , and worrying that she was going to be treated differently, and behind him a security camera was broadcasting their every moment to whomever decided to be at the control table at this time.

“Sorry, this is a weird place to be doing this,” Skye muttered. “Like, really weird. Can we leave?” Staring at her, Coulson was unresponsive. “You’re totally freaking out,” she realized, and Phil didn’t know what to say.

“This is a bad time,” he told her in his _Agent Coulson Voice_ , and she rolled her eyes.

“Duh, I just said that, basically.” Skye nodded toward the machine was sitting on. Watching him, her face lit up some, restoring that bit of Skye energy that had been missing. “Do you need me to give you a plan?” Coulson, still a bit overwhelmed-- _What just happened. What did I do. Is this okay, is this wrong? Is she okay?_ \-- nodded. “Okay, first off, we’re going to get me to a bed so I can take the mother of all naps. Then, you and I are going to have a talk. One that is going to involve lots of honesty and, preferably, kissing. Understood?” He nodded. “Really? That was easy.” Coulson shot her a dismayed look, and she grinned. “Sorry, no offense. It was _easier_.”

“Okay, let’s get out of here,” he deadpanned, helping Skye turn sideways on the machine, then step off, his arm around her waist. “Is this okay?” Slowly they walked out of the room, not looking back at device that had brought both of them so much pain. _You didn’t even ask what she saw_ , Phil told himself, but knew that would have to wait. Whatever information Raina was after, whatever she made Skye see in there, they could talk about that later. Knowing Skye, if it was time-sensitive and of grave importance it would have been the first thing she said upon waking, and he would have to insist she relax and not worry. They would talk about it when Skye was ready to talk about it.

“Mmm,” Skye murmured, wrapping her arm around his neck as slowly walked down the hall. “I would totally switch out the order, you know, move the kissing part up, but I am _really_ tired.” Coulson smiled, not letting himself be bothered that Skye was bringing this up as they passed Bobbi and Hunter in the hallway. She was clearly beginning to crash but was still aware of her surroundings, so he just let it be. Ignoring Bobbi’s mild look of surprise (and Hunter’s Kid On Christmas Morning face,) Phil simply kept walking. “We’re going to your room though. Not because of the kissing, but I know your bed is way bigger than the ones in the bunks. It has to be.”

“You are really set on this kissing thing, aren’t you?” He asked, amused, and Skye snorted. _What is even happening right now?_

“Chyea, like you’re not looking forward to it, Mister.”

He should really be taking this seriously. Skye had been through an ordeal, and now she was so overtired she was basically acting like an old drunk in the Little Rascals. This wasn’t funny.

“Oh, I am,” Coulson told her, and Skye’s other hand snaked its way up and patted his chest. “But first you need that nap. Otherwise I’ll feel like I’m making out with Sleepy from Snow White.”

“Hey, if anything I’m Sleeping Beauty, you jerk,” she shot back.

“Yes, your highness.” Finally making it to his room on the Bus, Coulson gently sat Skye down on the bed before kneeling down and taking off her shoes. He expected some sort of Cinderella joke, but when he didn’t hear one, Phil looked up. Skye had a tired, but sober expression on her face. “Everything alright?” She nodded, and he stood up to pull back the covers behind her. As he reached to untuck the duvet, Skye’s hand grabbed his arm. He looked at her curiously.

“Please stay,” she asked, and for the first time in a while he could see the effects of the day on her face.

“Of course,” he told her, sitting down to slip off his own shoes, then removing his jacket. Skye slowly crawled up to the head of the bed, allowing Coulson to tuck her beneath the covers. Following after, Phil climbed under the covers and Skye rolled over to meet him immediately, wrapping her arms around his waist. They shifted until both were lying comfortably, and Skye leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Phil returned it, smiling when she pulled back. “I thought that wasn’t until later?”

Skye smiled, closing her eyes. “Just one last one. Before…” She trailed off, and Phil understood.

 _Before she sleeps,_ he thought. Pulling her closer, Phil rested his chin on her shoulder and stroked her back. “I’m here,” he murmured, and Skye’s hands twisted into the back of his shirt.

When he slept, he dreamt of that. Just the two of them holding each other. And later, she told him that she did too.


End file.
